#9

Water Lily Pond

The white lily splashed with pink coloring
floats smoothly in the lucid blue pond
(Inserted a word change here. original poem was clear now lucid)
without any purpose, free as it can be. (inserted comma after purpose)
The lily intentions is ( emphasis the lily instead of flower)
to float while time passes. (added es to pass)

The white lily filled with loneliness and wanted desire
has the reflection of clear water, to remains
the lily of its own beauty.
The sallow bulging clouds appear above
(Inserted another description. original image white puffy clouds now sallow bulging.)
protecting the helpless lily from drying out.


I decided to do a critical review of my own poem that I submitted in class last week. After, looking over my poems and comments; I took many of those into consideration and really appreciate the feed back from my classmates. When I beginning reading over the poem and looking for the errors that I over looked. I do very much agree with the punctuation errors and feel that they can be improved. However, as far as the images that thought of, I knew they were very common but I couldn't really think of anything else to say besides that. I would also like it I could you guys had any suggestion or ideas to help assist me that would be great.